Posted in Bookish Talk, Journal, Journal, My Journal

Wedding Vibes Everywhere!

Happy December, friends!
This is my first post in this month and this time I will not be complaining about not posting earlier because guess what I’m getting married! And I think this is a good reason for not writing quite often. Yes, I’m beyond excited about everything and I had like a billion things to do, but somehow I managed to remain calm. My wedding preps are almost done, every single detail is planned and all I have to do now is to stay calm and wait for my wedding day. The wedding will take place in one of the hotels in my city, on December 21st. I know it’s like two weeks from now and even though I look calm outside, I swear I’m screaming inside. I have everything – my wedding dress, my bridesmaids, and decoration. Everything’s here and I hope I will have control over these things. Huh, now putting these thoughts into words gave that strong feeling of anxiety. I guess it’s normal thing. Anyway, I’m really happy and I can’t wait to get married.

On the other hand, previous two months were quite hectic for me and I didn’t manage to read anything. I really had so many things to do and I mentioned all of them in my previous posts. I was so busy and I missed reading so much. I hope I will read at least one or two books before the year ends. I think I will go for some light read, maybe some good holiday book. Unfortunately, I really have no idea what to read and your book suggetstions are very welcome at the moment. I want to read something romantic, snowy, and christmasy. Speaking of the holiday romance, have you guys seen the movie Let It Snow? I remeber four years ago I read this book by Maureen Johnson, John Green, and Lauren Myracle and I really loved it. I was so happy when I heard that they are making the movie based on this book and I even downloaded it. I just couldn’t find the time to see it.
For those of you who have seen the movie, what do you think about it?

I kind of realized that the last two months are all about my personal things and it’s less book oriented, but it’s because we get busy sometimes and we barely have the time for anything. I didn’t give up on reading and I will never do that. Reading has a really special place in my heart and it’s something that makes me happy. I hope you understand me now.

Have a great weekend,

Posted in Journal, Journal, My Journal

November Activities: My Graduation

Hello friends,
again I broke my promise by saying that I will be more active this month. It did not happen. If you follow me here you probably know by now that I suck at planning. It just never goes as planned. However, I have big news, are you ready?

I am proud to say that this month I graduated!

I am so happy and I can’t believe that I’m not a student anymore. It’s over now and now I’m a teacher. The funny thing is that my graduation surprised me at first because my final exam in Syntax was way too difficult. I studied but I thought I will have to re-sit it next time.
Also, I made a promise to myself that this is not the end. I will continue studying and exploring things that I’m interested in. In my opinion, we should encourage ourselves to always do something new. To learn something new. Life is useless without learning and knowing new things. It’s really important and I think people don’t talk enough about it.
We should motivate younger people and show them that without education your life is not complete. Let’s all agree on this one, please.
On the other hand, my graduation surprised me and my life turned upside down somehow. Everything’s different now and I barely read anything this month. I started reading Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky, but I read only like 20 pages of it. I opted for this book because I really love The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I have some strong emotions towards that book. It’s one of my all-time-favorites. I dare to say that Imaginary Friend is somewhat different and a bit of unusual considering the fact that Chbosky wrote it. I also started reading Love At First Swipe by Gareth Fosberry and I already like it. It feels good to read something other than a fantasy. One of the many reasons why I barely read is that in December I will move out. We are still buying all neccessary things for our home and honestly it takes a lot of time.How’s been your November so far? Have you read any good book?

Have a lovely week,

Posted in Bookish Talk, Journal, Journal

October Activities: What I Watched This Month

Danger doesn’t lurk at every corner. It’s just hanging out, waiting for fear and horror to show up.

Unknown

Hello readers,
I have been inactive for the past two weeks and I almost missed the whole month of writing. I barely posted anything during this month and I’m truly sad because of that. October is one of my favorite months of the year and I can’t believe I didn’t post more often. However, many things had happened over this month, the good and the bad ones. I think I will start with the bad things because I would like to end this post in a positive tone.
First of all, my first neighbor passed away two days ago. It was shocking news for everyone because he wasn’t sick at all. To make things worse – he was only 40. I’m still sad and I can’t believe that he’s gone. But, eh.. That’s called life. You exist in one second and then in the other you don’t. You disappear. Just like that. What I can’t stress enough, here, is that we worry too much. We are almost never satisfied with our lives. We long for material things, which is wrong sometimes. We forget that we all die and we will be forgotten so easily. Love hard. Respect others. Respect yourself. That’s what matters.Secondly, I had a really important exam this month. I studied every day and I still don’t know my results. It was difficult, but I hope for the best. It was the exam from the Syntax and I really hate that subject, but I can’t complain. I need to pass it.
On the other hand, I spent a lot of time with my boyfriend. We are still buying new things for our new home, but things got easier this month. We bought all the furniture and it finally looks like home now. I’m so happy and I can’t wait to move in! Also, we spent a lot of time in cinema this month. We watched some horrors because if not now, when? First we watched IT Chapter Two and it was really scary, I loved it. It’s probably the best movie I watched this month. It’s based on Stephen King’s novel and it’s so good and I give it 5 out of 5 stars.


Secondly, we saw Polaroid, which is also horror. A high school student, Bird, is given an old Polaroid camera. Being a huge fan of photography, she starts taking photos of her friends. However, she notices the weird, dark shadow standing behind her friends. It gets creepy when her friends, one by one, die after being followed by the shadow in the pictures. To understand her next move, Bird needs to study the past. I really liked this movie, but it’s not my favorite because in some moments I thought that its plot is too simple and predictable. I give it 3 out of five stars.

Lastly, we saw Countdown which is also horror. I must say that I’ve been dying to see this movie since I saw its trailer. Basically it’s about a phone app that can tell you the exact moment of your death. It all starts as a joke until this app proves to be correct for some people. When a nurse downloads this app, it tells her that she has only three days to live. She is extremely nervous and upset, but being followed by a scary figure in reality, she simply must find a way to survive. I liked this movie because it grabs your attention from the first moment. It’s super scary and I like the touch of the modern technology. I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

And that was it for this month. I know it’s two days from Halloween, but I think I’m done with watching horrors for this year. I must admit day I have seen more movies than I have read books in this month. I somehow gave myself a well-deserved break from reading because I read many books in September. I am pretty much satisfied with my activities during this month. October was a really good month for me and I am so excited for November!

How about you? How was your October?

Posted in Journal, Journal

World Mental Health Day

It’s okay to feel unstable. It’s okay to disassociate. It’s okay to hide from the world. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay not to be okay. Your mental illness is not a personal failure.

n.n

Happy World Mental Health Day!
Being the person who lives with anxiety, I have so much to say. First of all, I feel obliged to tell you that you MUST take care of yourself and of your mental health, Trust me, if you don’t put yourself in the first place, no one else will. I feel like this topic is something that people don’t talk much about and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because people are ashamed of their mental illness.
My first meeting with my therapist was such a failure mostly because I didn’t find support from my family. They thought that only ‘crazy’ people talk with therapists. At my first meeting I was so scared and I couldn’t talk about my problems openly. I thought they will not understand me. On the other hand, I was ashamed but not because I was meeting with the therapist, but because I thought the things that make me sad and anxious are stupid. I thought I was being silly while I was talking about my fears. Thankfully, my therapist told me that it’s okay to feel that way sometimes. It’s okay not to be okay.

Sometimes, I break.

And it’s still fine. My broken pieces are still me. Oh yes, I am worthy. On some days I keep asking God ‘why me?’ Well, if he didn’t believe in me, he wouldn’t let me go through all of this. That’s the only answer I can think of. And it’s true – each one of us is beautiful. Our mental illness do not define the person who we are. We are beautiful and there’s nothing we should be ashamed of. Just let you know, you are not alone in this. We can and we will win this battle.


Posted in Journal

Life Update: Earthquakes, Me Moving Out, & Other Things

Hello friends,
I haven’t written anything in a while and I miss writing so much. I’ve just checked my social media and it’s a huge mess! I fell behind my schedule and I really need to catch up on my reading as soon as possible. So many new things happened to me and I don’t know where to start. A month ago I witnessed the first earthquake this year. It woke me up early in the morning and I was super scared. When you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, earthquakes can be quite terrifying. I was scared, but I was also glad that it is over and I thought it won’t happen again. It was all great until 30th of August when it happened again. The earthquake was quite strong, but nobody’s hurt. Again, I was glad it was over and thought that’s it – won’t happen again. I was wrong. Ten days ago we had another earthquake and two days after another one happened. I’m scared to death and I don’t know what’s going on. Now, one week later everything is okay, but I am afraid it might happen again.

Another new thing is that I’m moving out in like two months or so. I will live with my boyfriend and we just found a new apartment. Now we are buying furniture and other things that we need. Sometimes it’s very frustrating and exhausting, but I’m glad I will finally get to live with my boyfriend. I must buy new shelves for my books, it’s like the most important thing for me! I bought some new bookish stuff to decorate my new home. I have some stickers, they are autumn themed. I think they will look good on my new shelves (even though I haven’t bought them yet). Also, I got the new Harry Potter map. It’s very big and I want to hang it on my wall. If you happen to know any bookish goodies that would look good in my new home, please let me know in the comment section.

When it comes to reading, I’m not satisfied with the amount of books I read this month. I fell behind my reading schedule, but I will try to read more now. The thing is that I really needed this break because I was devastated. It’s difficult to focus on your reading when your head is full of panic and fear. I’m currently reading Just Get Up: And Manifest Your Inner Genius by Isaac Smuel Miller and I like it very much. I was supposed to read this book back in August, but it arrived only a week ago. Honestly, it was worth waiting for because it’s so good. The author talks about his life and then he motivates us. It’s so inspiring and I love how he tells us that even though you start from nothing, you can go a long way and be successful. You just have to focus on the good things and learn from your mistakes. And I think it’s beautiful. I will post my review once I finish reading it, so stay tuned.

What’s on your agenda for this week?
Have a wonderful week!

Posted in Journal

On Anxiety: How I deal with it

Anxiety, noun:
an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future

Many articles say that anxiety is a healthy feeling, which I find completely wrong. For so many years I’ve been dealing with this feeling and I have to say it is the worst thing. As a kid I wasn’t noticing anything ‘weird’ about my mental state. Or at least, I didn’t pay attention to it. Also in my elementary school everything was okay. I was that happy child who had many friends and I was satisfied with my life.
The problem appeared sometime in my high school. When I was a teenager, I was complaining about almost everything, but I thought it was normal thing. Aren’t all teenagers like that? I started to build this negative self-image and I was never satisfied with my body. I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I was watching all these girls in my school and I wanted to be like them. They were beautiful. As I changed my school, I lost contact with my old friends – even though they said we will keep in touch.
I was so lonely there and I never let anybody come close, I was afraid that if I befriend someone, they will leave me just like my ex friends did. I was alone and I built my own world where my only company was music. I was listening to music basically 24/7. Even my classes couldn’t keep me away from it. I developed my own clothing style, which was so different from other teenagers.
From then, I started getting ‘ugly’ and ‘angry’ looks from the people from my school. It was clear that they did not like me – they thought I was freak. I also heard their not-so-silent whispers making fun of me and my styling. Because, you know, it’s not cool to be different in high school. There was time when I pretended to be sick just not to go there, my school was my type of hell. I thought that my high school was built just to hurt me.
And that’s when I started seeing my therapist. At the beginning it was so difficult for me to open up, I am a very shy person. With every new meeting it was easier for me to talk. I told him how I feel and he said it is okay to sometimes feel like that. Everybody has doubts and all of us break sometimes. But the important thing is to get up stronger than you were before. And I think it open my eyes…
Even now, with my twenty-five years, I still carry this uncomfortable feeling of not being liked by my friends and family. I still catch myself walking in fear of losing my close ones. But I also remind myself that it means that I love them and nobody can say what tomorrow will bring, but it should never stop us from enjoying the moment.
My point is that anxiety is a serious problem and I don’t think there is cure from it. We must talk to ourselves and the self-talk is so important, because it’s you – you are the creator of your future and you will enjoy the present moment as much as you let yourself enjoy it.

I am unique in my own way

Posted in Journal

On Music: My favorite bands

Aside from reading, I also like to listen to music. Even as a kid, music played a very important role in my life because it helped me to better understand my feelings. Of course, back then I was only listening to country music because I didn’t know English language, but still it was something. My performances would always make my parents laugh, because I would sing, dance, and ‘play’ some kind of an instrument.

Everything changes for me when I start studying English language in my elementary school. At my age of 10, I didn’t know that I was interested in languages, I was just intrigued by the fact how people from different places can understand each other by studying foreign languages. I think I was that type of annoying student… I won’t say I was a nerd, but I was very happy when my English language teacher gave me some extra activities to do at home. Step by step, I started discovering music in English language. I was blown away! My favorite songs back then were Fame by Irene Cara and Don’t Stop Never Give Up by S Club 7. My teacher loved listening how I sang them, even though I think I sounded pretty bad, uggh.

As a teenager, I discovered rock music and it’s still one of my favorite genre. I started with Metallica and decided that was it – they are my favorite band. However, after a while I realized there are a way too many bands out there and Metallica is just one of them. I started listening to Avenged Sevenfold, Anathema, Panthera, Apocalyptica, Guns’n’Roses, Paramore, AC/DC...

Now, I still stick to these bands and here are some of my favorite songs performed by them:

So Far Away – Avenged Sevenfold
Nightmare – Avenged Sevenfold
Size the Day – Avenged Sevenfold
Turn the Page (cover) Metallica
The Day That Never Comes – Metallica
Sad but True – Metallica
Anyone, Anywhere – Anathema
Not Strong Enough – Apocalyptica
Don’t Cry – Guns’n’Roses

Beside rock music, from time to time I like to listen to indie music and classical music. It is my way of relaxing and sometimes when I’m reading a book, I can listen to these types of music.

Do you have favorite band or singer? What are your favorite songs?

https://www.musicfromb2z.com/fall-music-composition-using-mini-erasers/