Happy December, friends! This is my first post in this month and this time I will not be complaining about not posting earlier because guess what I’m getting married! And I think this is a good reason for not writing quite often. Yes, I’m beyond excited about everything and I had like a billion things to do, but somehow I managed to remain calm. My wedding preps are almost done, every single detail is planned and all I have to do now is to stay calm and wait for my wedding day. The wedding will take place in one of the hotels in my city, on December 21st. I know it’s like two weeks from now and even though I look calm outside, I swear I’m screaming inside. I have everything – my wedding dress, my bridesmaids, and decoration. Everything’s here and I hope I will have control over these things. Huh, now putting these thoughts into words gave that strong feeling of anxiety. I guess it’s normal thing. Anyway, I’m really happy and I can’t wait to get married.
On the other hand, previous two months were quite hectic for me and I didn’t manage to read anything. I really had so many things to do and I mentioned all of them in my previous posts. I was so busy and I missed reading so much. I hope I will read at least one or two books before the year ends. I think I will go for some light read, maybe some good holiday book. Unfortunately, I really have no idea what to read and your book suggetstions are very welcome at the moment. I want to read something romantic, snowy, and christmasy. Speaking of the holiday romance, have you guys seen the movie Let It Snow? I remeber four years ago I read this book by Maureen Johnson, John Green, and Lauren Myracle and I really loved it. I was so happy when I heard that they are making the movie based on this book and I even downloaded it. I just couldn’t find the time to see it. For those of you who have seen the movie, what do you think about it?
I kind of realized that the last two months are all about my personal things and it’s less book oriented, but it’s because we get busy sometimes and we barely have the time for anything. I didn’t give up on reading and I will never do that. Reading has a really special place in my heart and it’s something that makes me happy. I hope you understand me now.
Hello friends, again I broke my promise by saying that I will be more active this month. It did not happen. If you follow me here you probably know by now that I suck at planning. It just never goes as planned. However, I have big news, are you ready?
I am proud to say that this month I graduated!
I am so happy and I can’t believe that I’m not a student anymore. It’s over now and now I’m a teacher. The funny thing is that my graduation surprised me at first because my final exam in Syntax was way too difficult. I studied but I thought I will have to re-sit it next time. Also, I made a promise to myself that this is not the end. I will continue studying and exploring things that I’m interested in. In my opinion, we should encourage ourselves to always do something new. To learn something new. Life is useless without learning and knowing new things. It’s really important and I think people don’t talk enough about it. We should motivate younger people and show them that without education your life is not complete. Let’s all agree on this one, please. On the other hand, my graduation surprised me and my life turned upside down somehow. Everything’s different now and I barely read anything this month. I started reading Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky, but I read only like 20 pages of it. I opted for this book because I really love The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I have some strong emotions towards that book. It’s one of my all-time-favorites. I dare to say that Imaginary Friend is somewhat different and a bit of unusual considering the fact that Chbosky wrote it. I also started reading Love At First Swipe by Gareth Fosberry and I already like it. It feels good to read something other than a fantasy. One of the many reasons why I barely read is that in December I will move out. We are still buying all neccessary things for our home and honestly it takes a lot of time.How’s been your November so far? Have you read any good book?
Anxiety, noun: an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future
Many articles say that anxiety is a healthy feeling, which I find completely wrong. For so many years I’ve been dealing with this feeling and I have to say it is the worst thing. As a kid I wasn’t noticing anything ‘weird’ about my mental state. Or at least, I didn’t pay attention to it. Also in my elementary school everything was okay. I was that happy child who had many friends and I was satisfied with my life. The problem appeared sometime in my high school. When I was a teenager, I was complaining about almost everything, but I thought it was normal thing. Aren’t all teenagers like that? I started to build this negative self-image and I was never satisfied with my body. I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I was watching all these girls in my school and I wanted to be like them. They were beautiful. As I changed my school, I lost contact with my old friends – even though they said we will keep in touch. I was so lonely there and I never let anybody come close, I was afraid that if I befriend someone, they will leave me just like my ex friends did. I was alone and I built my own world where my only company was music. I was listening to music basically 24/7. Even my classes couldn’t keep me away from it. I developed my own clothing style, which was so different from other teenagers. From then, I started getting ‘ugly’ and ‘angry’ looks from the people from my school. It was clear that they did not like me – they thought I was freak. I also heard their not-so-silent whispers making fun of me and my styling. Because, you know, it’s not cool to be different in high school. There was time when I pretended to be sick just not to go there, my school was my type of hell. I thought that my high school was built just to hurt me. And that’s when I started seeing my therapist. At the beginning it was so difficult for me to open up, I am a very shy person. With every new meeting it was easier for me to talk. I told him how I feel and he said it is okay to sometimes feel like that. Everybody has doubts and all of us break sometimes. But the important thing is to get up stronger than you were before. And I think it open my eyes… Even now, with my twenty-five years, I still carry this uncomfortable feeling of not being liked by my friends and family. I still catch myself walking in fear of losing my close ones. But I also remind myself that it means that I love them and nobody can say what tomorrow will bring, but it should never stop us from enjoying the moment. My point is that anxiety is a serious problem and I don’t think there is cure from it. We must talk to ourselves and the self-talk is so important, because it’s you – you are the creator of your future and you will enjoy the present moment as much as you let yourself enjoy it.